


All That Matters

by denna5



Series: Jagged Pieces [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Brainwashing, Conditioning, Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, F/M, Kidnapping, M/M, Multi, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-06 06:33:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1848004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denna5/pseuds/denna5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He is not certain of who he was before but he has them and that is all that matters.</p><p>Next part of Jagged Pieces, Clint's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That Matters

**Author's Note:**

> So the next part of this will probably be a chapter story because my pieces to this are starting to get long. Please enjoy.

The bow is in his hands and he looks over every inch of it. He has been awake for just a few minutes and his bow was his first concern. He trusts James but James is not as familiar with bows, with their use, and Clint wants to make sure that no damage was done to it.

He knows this bow, knows every little piece of it. There is a mark on it, one that has been there ever since they gave it to him, like there used to be something on it that has been scratched out. His finger trails over it like it does every time he looks at it. It is something he can’t quite piece together, a feeling that he used to know what the mark was. It doesn’t matter, it is still his bow no matter what the scratched out mark used to say.

_He has a flight out of country in less than two hours but Clint has no reason to rush and the meeting shouldn’t take too long. He has most of what he needs and this is only a last minute to go over any questions. They could have meet at headquarters but this was closer and Clint thinks maybe he just wanted an excuse to see the exhibit again._

_The museum is fairly crowded and Clint moves through the various exhibits before making his way to a particular one. It does not take very long until he finds exactly who he is looking for, a man in a suit with his back to everyone else starting at a collection of Captain America memorabilia._

_“Are you trying to decide what you need to steal for your own personal collection?”_

_His voice is teasing, a tone that has gotten him in trouble over com links before but they aren’t in the field right now, he isn’t Hawkeye, just Clint and so the comment is met with just a small chuckle instead of the sigh that Coulson would give if they were on a mission._

_“This is safe from me for now. Are you about ready to go?”_

_Coulson turns to him and right now he is really just Phil, Clint’s friend and not just his handler. He answers the question, stands close so that they can’t be overheard._

_“Yep. Already know most of the details, have to be off the grid after tonight, will check in when I can.”_

_“This will be a bit more difficult than other assignments, don’t underestimate her.”_

_His voice is no nonsense and Clint gives a nod. He can take things seriously when needed, does on every single mission and Coulson knows this. She must be something else if he is warning Clint this._

_They wonder the museum for a few minutes, discussing things quietly and looking over the exhibit. It is kind of nice and Coulson is thrilled being able to tell Clint all about this, tells him some trivia that isn’t listed._

_“The Howling Commandos did fairly well for a unit, only lost two members.”_

_They are in front of that display when Phil says this and Clint looks over the information that lists the details of the first casualty, Bucky Barnes. No body found, just like the Captain but not as much speculation went into where his body was. From everything listed, he was Roger’s brother in everything but blood and Clint can understand how much it hurts to lose a brother, though he lost Barney to something other than death._

_“You are thinking about something else aren’t you?”_

_Phil’s question draws him out of his thoughts and he gives a nod but doesn’t give any details and Phil doesn’t pry. It is kind of nice having someone he can trust, someone who knows his past and won’t ask about it more than he needs to. He is probably the closest to family that Clint still has, him and Fury, and he appreciates them both. They move on to a different display and soon it is time for Clint to leave. They walk outside and Clint decides to tease one more time._

_“You going to miss me while I’m chasing a spider?”_

_Phil shakes his head a bit._

_“I’m looking forward to the quiet for a bit but don’t be gone too long, it might get boring.”_

_“Can’t let that happen.”_

_He waves as he leaves and Coulson returns it before going in the opposite direction._

“See the string is fine. I can handle weapons.”

James’ voice comes from the right of him and Clint looks up at him. He has just risen from bed, isn’t even fully dressed yet. He doesn’t seem surprised to see Clint with his bow.

“You have broken it before.”

James looks just a little disgruntled at that claim.

“Once.”

“More than once.”

Clint knows how much damage has been done to his bow.

“Second time doesn’t count.”

“What about the third?”

“Are we discussing how many time James has snapped your string?”

Natasha comes forward, looking a little sleepy. She sits down next to Clint, runs a finger along the string of his bow. He gives her a little glare for it but doesn’t make her move her hand away. James comes closer to them and goes to touch the bow and Clint does swat his hand.

“She gets to touch and I don’t?”

“You touched it last night. You owe me another arrow since I am getting low and you left it behind.”

The arrow was old, one of the ones left from when they first gave him his bow, gave him the quiver. It is not a huge loss but he has been getting low on them for a while. James sighs as he sits down.

“When there is a chance, I will get you two.”

Clint gives him a little smirk and a small kiss against his lips.

_Clint first heard of the Black Widow months ago. She was quickly making a name for herself even if people were not sure which name was her true one. She has started to become too much of a threat and that was when Clint was given the mission._

_Fury had spoken to him about it directly, told him it was a kill mission but that he should find out as much as he could before then. They knew a bit about her but not enough to know who exactly she works for. Clint thought perhaps she might have some one helping her sometimes but they haven’t really been able to find any proof that she didn’t work alone._

_He has been tracking her the last few weeks, tries to stay hidden but he is pretty sure she knows that she is being watched, is leading him on a bit of a chase. Why, he isn’t sure but as long as she isn’t causing too much trouble he can keep this game going on for a little while longer._

_Clint starts to get more glimpses of her and she seems so young to him. He wonders how long she has done this, why she does this. She blends into crowds when she needs to, plays normal. He can see that is what she does, plays at normal, like this is all a performance. It makes him think of his time in the circus, his time with Trick Shot and the Swordsman, of the things he did before he knew better.   She makes him think of that and it is a little worrisome._

_A new plan is starting to form in his head, one that goes against Fury’s orders. Clint doesn’t want to disobey the man, trusts him as much as he can trust any one, but he doesn’t think now that killing the woman they think is called Natasha Romanov is the right call. She is young and he wonders how many of the choices she had made are her own and it makes him want to give her a chance._

_He watches her and waits. She doesn’t make a move against him and he doesn’t move against her. One night, she moves towards a target . Clint knows him, did security detail for him once. He is a SHIELD ally, knows what goes on in dark corners but he is still too trusting and he lets her in without a second thought. She is ready to strike and Clint knows that he has to make his decision now._

_He stops her, gets the arrow through her shoulder. He could have hit her heart but he doesn’t want to kill her, at least not like this. He is racing to get there, not really concerned about her target anymore but to get her. He doesn’t make it in time, finds the bloodied arrow and knows that she is waiting for him. Their game is going to be over soon and he just hopes it ends in a stalemate._

“You finished your errand then?”

Natasha asks once Clint is once again fiddling with his bow. James answers her.

“One more little warning, they should stay away for a while.”

“Why are they after us so much anyway?

Clint asks, has been wondering about this for a while. They have struck out against them before, the first target he remembers taking out was SHIELD but there seems to be more to it than that, there has been more moves made against them in the last few months. They don’t talk to him about it, don’t really say much about SHIELD other than the agency has them as targets and Clint is curious, wants to know about what happened before what he can remember, before he was theirs.

“ It started before me didn’t it? What did you guys do?”

Natasha is still beside him, her head has moved to his shoulder but she does not say anything, looks to James. They are deciding something, speaking to each other with only glances, and sometimes when they do this, Clint feels like he is missing something. There are a few moments of silence and he is not sure he will be given an answer.

_Clint has his bow drawn as he enters her safe house. He hopes to not have to use it but she had led him here for a reason. He can’t leave without offering her this chance and so he enters the room she is in, walks softly and keeps his bow ready._

_“I didn’t know you needed to be so close with that thing to kill someone. Makes your accomplishments seem less impressive.”_

_There is disdain in her voice but her posture is relaxed and there are no signs of weapons. He keeps both his eyes and his bow on her but speaks calmly._

_“If I was going to kill you, I would have earlier. I’m not here to put this through your heart.”_

_“Oh, and I am supposed to believe SHEILD doesn’t want me dead? That your orders aren’t to kill?”_

_She asks this matter of fact but there is a glimpse of something in her eyes, curiosity perhaps. He keeps himself on alert but he tells her what he needs to, explains why he is here. She is listening, he can tell but she is waiting for something._

_“My orders are to shoot to kill but I am making a different call, offering you a chance at a new life. You could have a fresh start, not have to be alone.”_

_There is a moment, almost a pause, and then she speaks and he knows what she has been waiting for._

_“I’m not alone now.”_

_He is fast when she says this, lets his arrow go at the man who is approaching him. Whoever he is, he blocks it. Clint gets another ready and he can feel her eyes on him as he squares off with her apparent partner._

_The man is fast, strong, might be too much for Clint. He has a metal arm and it is this that makes Clint know who he is fighting. The Winter Solider is believed to be a myth but he is in front of Clint now and he grabs ahold of the mask, manages to get rid of it._

_The face is familiar, just enough that it makes Clint pause. This is mistake as the widow joins in. Clint is more than likely finished now but he won’t go down without a fight. He fires his arrows right until his bow gets taken away and then he lashes out with everything he still has. It is not enough and when the blow hits the back of his head all he can think is how pissed Coulson is going to be that his life is about to become a lot quieter._

“We took something of theirs, something they cannot have back.”

Natasha’s words are spoken against his skin, her head still on his shoulder. He puts his bow down on the table, looks at them both. They aren’t usually thieves unless it is information, unless it is a means to an end, and he wonders what they could have taken that SHIELD would spend so much time trying to find out what they did with it.

“Something important I guess.”, he mutters this more to himself but they both hear.

“Something worth more to us than to them.”

James’ words are spoken with a certainty. Clint wonders what it is exactly that they took, thinks to ask but he doesn’t. If it was something he needed to know, they would tell him and so he simply shrugs at James’ words and then ask what they want to do before they have to leave.

_He is in a chair when he wakes up, a dull ache in his head and rough rope tight around his wrists. He is surprised that he is alive and not surprised to see them in front of him. They have a reason for bringing him to wherever this is, to having him still alive instead of dead and disposed._

_“Agent Barton, we have a few things to discuss.”_

_Her words are along what he has expected since waking up and he works on getting his wrists free. If he is going down again, it will be with a fight._

_“You may as well kill me now. I won’t give up any of SHEILD’s secrets.”_

_He means it, has sworn ever since Fury sat across from him and offered him the chance to make up for past mistakes._

_The solider moves closer at his words, put his metal hand on his throat. The fingers are curled around it and Clint keeps working on his bonds, expects his advice to be taken, for those fingers to squeeze but they don’t. The solider just keeps them there, looks at Clint as if he is something interesting._

_“We don’t plan on killing you. We are offering you a chance at new life, one where you won’t have to be alone.”_

_They are almost his words from before, the ones that just came out of her mouth, and he wonders just what this is about. He won’t turn and they have to know this._

_“I don’t want it.”_

_There should be pressure now at his refusal but instead the fingers gently stroke his pulse once before leaving. He sees the needle but his hands are finally free. He tries for the door but doesn’t succeeded and the needle stings as it pierces his throat._

_“You will.”_

_The words are spoken in a way that almost sounds reassuring and comforting and there is a kiss placed on the mark and Clint really has no idea what they are playing at, what they want._

They leave after a few more days there, making sure their trail is well hidden. SHIELD has had a very strong warning but there are always other enemies and they do not stay in one spot for long. Clint doesn’t mind the traveling. Not staying in one place feels familiar and he wonders if he moved around a lot when he was younger. He doesn’t remember and it doesn’t really matter. His past is lost to him and his present has them and they will worry about the future as it comes.

_Whatever they gave him makes it a little harder to focus, makes his body and mind relax a little bit more. It is obviously meant to help get the truth out of him, to get him to answer questions and he just wants to make sure he protects SHIELD. He is so focused on making sure they don’t find anything important about SHIELD that their questions throw him off guard._

_The first thing they ask is not about SHIELD, it is about his skill with the bow, about who taught him to shoot. He stays silent and there are more questions, all about him. Some are simple things like where he was born while others are more complicated like the first time he killed. He wants to not give any answers but they keep up the questioning and so he has to answer a few. He tries to keep his answers simple, tries to make sure he doesn’t give anything away that could hurt anyone other than himself. There is a very high chance that he is never leaving this room again and so it doesn’t matter how much they know about him as long as it can’t hurt SHIELD._

_“How did this happen?”_

_It is the widow who asks this, her hand holding Clint’s arm, fingers tracing a small scar on it. The solider looks at it as well from where he sits, Clint right in front of him, his back against the soldier’s chest. . It is a small round burn mark and he has had it for years. This is one story he can give away without worrying about if it could hurt anything._

_“I helped make funnel cakes at the circus and the grease popped once and landed there. It burned and then left that.”_

_Her finger traces it one last time before moving to another spot on his arm. It is a little part of his past but it still feels wrong to tell them more than his name, to let them know these little things about him. He can only hope that he can keep strong, can protect SHIELD for as long as possible._

_They ask about his family and he is able to get out a piece of the truth, to hide what matters. He says his family is gone and that is true enough. The one he first had has been gone for so long and the one he made at the circus was never real in the first place but he does not let them know that SHIELD is his family or at least the closest he can have now.   They do not press him about his feelings for SHIELD or those who work with him and it is a relief just as it is confusing. Why else do they want to keep him if it isn’t to find out how to hurt SHIELD?_

_That question is in his mind that whole day. When they are thru questioning him for the day, when they make him lay in between him, there is relief that he has a break from this for a little bit but the question is still in his head. When he starts to fall asleep , their arms tight around him, he still does not have an answer._

There is no mission, no target for a while, and the three just travel for a bit. SHIELD seems to have taken the warning, there is no sign of them. There is still practice, training but no clear objective and down time is a little rare for them. Downtime never lasts long though.

They receive a message after a while, one that is coded. Clint doesn’t read it. They usually aren’t for him, they are for the solider and the widow and he is brought along when needed. This one if for the solider again, a mission that shouldn’t take long and he leaves them with a promise to bring back Clint some arrows.

It is just the two of them for a few days, Clint and Natasha. She is just a bit different when she is not on a mission, more Natasha and less the widow. She plays less of a part when it is just the three of them, just like James is less cold and hard when he isn’t in the field, and Clint doesn’t have to stay at a distance . He wonders about who she was before all this, who he was before all this, who James was. It is a thought that he keeps to himself until one night when it is still just the two of them, when they are in bed Natasha with her head on his chest, a book in front of her eyes. She had been reading out loud but it couldn’t keep their attention and so there had been a pause in her words.

“Do you ever think about who you were before the widow?”

He speaks the question as he runs fingers through her hair. There is a moment of quiet and she is very still and he wonders if it was the wrong question to ask. After that moment, she puts the book down, shifts so that she is facing him and can see his face. Her eyes look at him like she is wondering something and it is a few seconds before she speaks.

“I used to but I haven’t for a long time.”

“Why did you stop?”

He asks, waits for an answer. When she answers, her voice is soft, full of honesty.

“I found the solider and he became my James. There was no reason to wonder about my past when I had something in the present.”

They were each other’s long before they were his and sometimes the reminders of that makes him jealous, worried that he can be cast aside because they don’t really need him like they need each other. His fingers are still in her hair and they tighten just a bit. Natasha isn’t bothered by it, leans into the touch just a bit, reassuring him.

_Clint tries to find out his own answers about them, things he can use but they do not give him much. The widow knows how to bend truths and the solider is a closed book. He thinks to try to turn them against eachother but he doesn’t think that would be possible in those first few days. There is an intimacy to their interactions with each other and Clint knows now why the widow couldn’t, wouldn’t take his offer, she couldn’t leave him behind._

_The widow had always struck him as somewhat lost but as he sees the solider he thinks perhaps he is the one that has been lost longer. There is something so familiar about his face and Clint recognizes it in those first few days but he also realizes that the knowledge will do him no good. If it is the man whose face Clint saw in a museum months ago, there is little that remains of him and he has no way to draw him to the surface._

_Clint is sure those first few days that they will find out what they want and then kill him but it doesn’t happen. Her words from when he first woke up here start to make more sense as the days pass and they still seem to have little interest in SHIELD. They want him, the fact that they touch him so much is just proof of that but he knows that once he gives in, that their want will pass and then he is dead._

_He doesn’t want to die, not with out trying to live and so he tries to escape but they are always there, stopping him. There are times when he feels calmer, doesn’t fight their touches as much , and speaks easier and it is usually after he eats and drinks. They only used the needle the first day but they are still drugging him. There is a day where they wait a little longer to feed him and his head is clearer and he makes a decision._

_“I’m not eating.”_

_He says this, doesn’t take the water and food they offer. It gets him a raised bow from the widow._

_“It does no good to not eat, there is no reason for you to starve.”_

_“It also does no good to be drugged all the time.”_

_They don’t deny it, instead the solider comes closer to him, sits right beside him. He wants to move away but all that usually does is make the solider grabs him, hold him closer so he stays still. There are a few minutes of quiet before the solider speaks._

_“Will you eat or does there need to be a consequence?”_

_He says nothing and when the solider offers a piece of bread, he does not take it. The widow bends down after this, takes his hand. He has an idea of what is going to happen, is only a little surprised that it is her soft fingers and not his metal ones. Her fingers move across his, grips his ring finger and pinky, pulls them back quickly._

_It is a sharp pain and there is a crunch to it. He doesn’t make much noise at it and the solider is staring at him, a hint of approval in his gaze and Clint has no idea why. They hurt, his fingers and a part of him is glad that it was only two. He has had fingers broken before, when he was still learning. It had been a consequence then too but this time is worse. She chose his trigger hand._

_There are tears in his eyes but they don’t fall. He starts to feel numb as she brings her mouth to them, kisses them softly. It is such a gentle gesture after something so harsh and he is not used to it. The solider gets up as she does this, comes back with bandages. They wrap his fingers up so very carefully to set them in the right direction. When it is done, they sit close to him and he doesn’t refuse the food, lets them bring it to his mouth and takes small bites. He tells himself it is the drugs that make their soft words of approval sound comforting._

“Did you ever wonder who he was before the solider? Do you think he wonders who he was?”

James is more of a mystery than Natasha sometimes. She shakes her head a bit at his question before she answers it.

“Not very often. All that really mattered was that he was mine, still is, just like you are. Do you wonder who we were?”

He gives a nod. He strokes her hair and she leans closer to him. There is just a tiny waver in her voice when she speaks, a bit of nervousness that he is not used to hearing from her.

“Do you wonder who you were before?”

He doesn’t lie.

“Yes.”

_They are breaking him down, Clint knows it, can feel it a little more each day. He still is not quite sure what they want, why they are doing this but he still fights. There isn’t much else he can do but he is starting to lose his stubbornness just a bit and they know it. It doesn’t seem to be enough for them._

_They bring a chair into a room after a few weeks and Clint has no idea what it is but there is something ominous about it. He fights as they take him to it but it doesn’t do much good. He is soon strapped down and when he asks what they are going to do, the solider answers with words that chill Clint to the bone._

_“Giving you a blank slate. Don’t try to fight it, hide things. We will only have to do more if you do.”_

_It sounds more like advice than a warning and Clint realizes that they are doing something that has been done to them. He tries to refuse the mouth guard, doesn’t want what he thinks is going to happen. There are so many things he has tried to forget before but the thought of them being taken from him is terrifying. He starts to repeat things in his head, his name, favorite food,colors, old fears, anything that he thinks defines and his thoughts are all jumbled and he can’t focus on fighting them and the solider gets the guard in his mouth._

_His head is leaned back, the mouth guard firmly in place when the machine starts. He is still repeating everything in his head, a string of words._

_Clint Francis Barton, Agent of SHIELD, funnel cake, pizza, Barney, first kiss at 14, darkness, swordsman, purple, Coulson, car crashes, loud shouts, smell of whiskey, burnt arm when ten, trick shoot, circus, first kill at 17, fury with his eye patch, likes dogs_

_The words start to fade away because there is nothing but pain, energy coursing through his system, making it hard to focus , to think. When it is over, he tries to repeat the list in his head._

_Clint Barton, Agent, funnel cake, Barney, darkness, swordsman, Coulson, car crashes, burnt arm when ten, circus, first kill at 17_

_There are people with him and they are looking at him with anticipation. He isn’t sure who they are but there is something familiar about them and the woman comes forward, touches his arm._

_“Agent Barton?”, she asks him._

_He knows that is his name and he says yes. They look disappointed for some reason as they undo his straps. He repeats his list._

_Clint Barton, Agent, funnel cake, Barney, darkness, swordsman, Coulson, car crashes, burnt arm when ten, circus, first kill at 17_

He is pretty sure that they know more about him than they tell him, knew who he was before he was theirs but they don’t tell him. They must have their reasons and he trusts them so he doesn’t hold it against him. There are just times when he wonders how he knows what he knows, why the bow always feels like an old friend but those are things he doesn’t dwell on. She doesn’t look happy and now Clint knows that he needs to reassure her just as she did him.

“I wonder but I don’t really care. I have you, both of you and I think that is more than I had before so that is all that matters.”

She smiles when he tells her this and he likes the look of it. He kisses her and soon they do not talk, too busy claiming each other again. Her nails dig into his shoulders and back hard enough to draw blood but in the marks do not last very long on his skin. He isn’t sure why.

_His head hurts after the chair but they tell him it is needed and so he doesn’t fight it. It hurts more when he fights. They are good to him though, hold him after it, assure him that the pain won’t last. That is always nice and he enjoys when they touch him, feels safe and wanted. He still doesn’t like the chair though. He doesn’t have to be in the chair right now and so he lays with them instead, his fingers in his hair and her hand across his chest. There is a list in his head and he thinks about it as he lies here._

_Clint Barton, Agent, darkness, Coulson, first kill at 17_

_These things are important but he doesn’t know why and they tell him not to focus on them. There are other words that start to be added as he thinks about the list, words that he knows, words he can trust._

_Hawk, Widow, weapon, Natasha, solider , James, want, metal, red need_

_The fingers leave his hair and the hand moves away from his chest. They sit up and he does as well._

_“It needs to be done, Hawk.”_

_It is the solider who tells him this, who takes his hand, cool metal against his warm fingers. He repeats his list as he sits down in the chair, just as he always does, the words he is certain about mixing with those he is unsure about._

_Hawk, Clint Barton, Agent, Widow, darkness, weapon, Natasha, solider, Coulson, James, want, metal, first kill at 17, red, need_

_They straps him down and he speaks as they do so._

_“Why do you keep doing this?”_

_Natasha answers him, words certain and there is kiss upon his forehead, her lips soft and warm._

_“Because we want you and you want us.”_

_He looks up, unsure if it is the entire truth but he repeats his list silently as the machine is turned on._

_Hawk, Clint Barton, Agent, Widow, darkness, weapon, Natasha,solider, Coulson, James, want, metal, first kill at 17, red, need_

_There is pain, so much pain. It lasts for what seems like forever before it ends, but it does end. His head hurts and he knows that he isn’t alone. He repeats some words in his head words that make sense as fingers start to card through his hair._

_Hawk, Clint, Widow, Natasha weapon, solider, James, want, metal, kill, red, need_

_“Agent Barton?”_

_He knows the voice but he doesn’t think it is talking to him, he doesn’t know that name. The metal fingers are still in his hair, and the touch is familiar and safe and he leans into it more._

_“Hawk.”_

_He knows that is one of his names and he looks up at her, her red hair beautiful and her lips are soft and warm when they touch his. They are what he has, what he needs._

It does not take long for the solider to finish his mission and then he is back with them. James gets him the promised two arrows and a few extras. It makes Clint almost giddy when he discovers some of them are trick arrows. He looks over them as James gives Natasha a new knife.

“You spoil us.”

Natasha teases but she does not give the knife back. James just gives a shrug as he puts his equipment away.

It is true that James tends to give little presents, even takes them on outings sometimes. He takes them to the ballet for Natasha and the circus for Clint and sometimes they go to exhibits of different things that seem to catch James’ eyes. They haven’t gone on any of those outings for a while, haven’t had time. It is still nice to get new weapons though and Clint is thrilled with the arrows.

“There are explosions on this one. I can blow up a wall.”

Natasha rolls her eyes a bit but there is a smile on her lips and James tells him that he can use it on their next mission. They get that next mission fairly quickly and Clint enjoys watching his arrow land and then take out the target with a nice boom.

_His days are spent with Natasha and James and he can’t remember ever really not being around them. It should be upsetting, not remembering much except this room and them but he doesn’t really care, likes being around them. He doesn’t know where else he would go._

_They will be leaving soon, that is what they have told him and he is both excited and nervous. There will be something for him to do soon and he is not sure if he has ever done it before. He will be ready, they are making sure._

_He spars with them and his body has been trained even if he doesn’t remember it. A knife feels strange in his hands but Natasha shows him what to do with it, guides his hands through the motions._

_“If you twist it just right, it will be quick for them.”_

_Her voice is soft in his ear as she shows him how to twist it._

_“Should it be quick for them?”_

_He asks, doesn’t really know._

_“Sometimes, depends on the mission.”_

_The solider comes forward with his answer._

_“Does it need to be quick for this first mission?”_

_He knows what they are preparing him for, knows it is a test. He wants to do well, can’t imagine failing them._

_“As quick as you want it to be. Do you think you can do it?”_

_James is right in front of them now. He gives a nod and it gets him a smile from the solider and kiss from the widow and both things fill him with warmth._

A few months pass, missions are completed, Clint gets to blow up a couple more things, and there is little word about SHIELD trying to get to them. It isn’t so bad right now and Clint likes it, enjoys his time being with them. There comes a mission for Natasha, one that she can complete on her own and that is requested that she do so and so she leaves, Clint and James staying together.

“You enjoy being with us, Hawk?”

The question is spoken as James helps him shave. It is something that usually Natasha does for both of them but she is not here so Clint is covered in lather as James goes over the more difficult section with the straight blade. He moves it down Clint’s throat as he asks the question, not expecting an answer till Clint can give it without possibly having his neck cut.

“Yes. “

It is the truth and he doesn’t quite understand why James will ask him this question every so often. The answer gives him a small smile and James finishes with the razor, cleans it while Clint splashes his face. James starts to lather his own face, to shave it but Clint grabs his wrist.

“ I can do it, if you want.”

Clint has never helped James with it, Natasha always doing it, but he wants to. It is nice to care for them the same way that they care for him. There is just a moment of hesitation but James nods and Clint carefully shaves him, keeps the blade close to his skin. This is a sign of trust.

“You don’t like the disposable, do you?”, Clint asks this as he closes the straight razor. He has never seen him use anything other than this to shave.

“I prefer this. It gets a closer shave.”

James runs his fingers over Clint’s cheek as he says this. He has gotten a bit prickly the few days Natasha has been gone but she is due back tomorrow and so they decided to clean themselves up for her. She will be glad for it when she comes back.

The next day comes but there is no word from Natasha.

_He tracks the man down, has little help from the widow and the solider. This is something he needs to do mostly on his own but he knows that they are watching. He will do this, prove himself to them._

_There is a knife in his pocket, one that is simple and will be easy to use. Somehow, it feels strange to get so close to the man, to kill him with a blade and not at a distance. Clint is unsure where the feeling comes from but he pushes it aside as he sneaks into the room, careful not to touch anything._

_The man is alone. Clint has read the file they gave him, knows just enough to be able to make sure this is the one he is after. The widow had went after him before, had been stopped but they didn’t tell him how. It doesn’t matter, it is the hawk’s mission now._

_He is quiet as he nears the man, keeps his steps light. Clint pulls the knife out quickly, has it in the man’s side before he turns around and sees him._

_“Agent Barton?”_

_The name comes out loud and Clint has no idea who he is calling for. He twists the knife like she showed him and it is so very easy. Some blood gets on his hands as he pulls it out but the man slumps down and the mission is over. Clint leave quickly, making sure that he will be gone before this Agent Barton has a chance to show up._

“Something is wrong.”

The words are simple, James never says more than he needs to and Clint understands what is going on. James is worried, has been the last few days. They have not seen or heard anything from Natasha since her mission has started and it has gone longer than they expected. James has started to gather things, is getting ready to leave and Clint starts to do the same.

“What is the plan? Do you think it was SHIELD?”

James stills as Clint comes closer to him and asks this.

“I will find her. If it was SHIELD, you need to stay low.”

Clint shake his head at this.

“I will look for her as well. We are in this together.”

She is theirs and Clint will help to find her. It will be better if they are both looking, more ground can be covered that way. James looks unsure.

“If I let you go after a SHIELD, possibly on your own, you may not return .”

He has taken a hold of Clint now, holds him close. He doesn’t understand why they are so worried about what SHIELD may do to him.

“I will do all that I can to come back.”

He needs them to trust him, needs to be able to look out for them just as they look out for him. It takes time to convince James but they are soon heading out, have plans in place for if they cannot get ahold of each other.

_His hands are covered with blood when he goes to them but they don’t mind, simply take the knife from him. Clint sits down on a bed and they sit next to him, have a bowl of warm soapy water ready. Natasha takes his hands, washes them with a soft towel. They ask him how it went and after they are done talking about it, they claim him._

_There is no other way to describe it other than a claiming. They are not rough but their touches are possessive and he returns them. This is what he has, them, and it is the only thing he needs. Natasha is under him, her red hair fanned out around her and she is beautiful. James is behind him, in him, and he is a strong steady presence. It is everything he needs right now, to have them like this and it is almost too much._

_“You are ours.”_

_The words are breathed against his neck, James’ voice filled with possession and something that almost sounds like relief. He stops his thrusts and it makes Clint need more and he whines, tries to thrust into Natasha a little more to get it. She kisses him, lips so very soft and warm and then she speaks._

_“Tell us that you are ours and we will let you have what you want.”_

_She is not begging but it really isn’t a command either, more like a request, like she wants the reassurance. He nuzzles his nose against her neck, can smell her hair when he tells them what they need to hear._

_“Yours, I’m yours.”_

_The words are true._

_“Good, Hawk. Our sweet Hawk.”_

_James starts to thrust again with his words and it isn’t long till it is over, till he has what he needs. They are all tangled together as they go to sleep after and when they make him say that he is theirs again, he also thinks mine, and you are mine._

They get separated as they look for her. It is starting to become clear that this is a trap, that this has been planned to get the three of them away from each other. Clint just hopes that they can spring it without anything harming them.

There are clues laid out, little things, messages left in code. They aren’t from the widow or the solider, Clint can tell, but whoever has laid them out wants him to think that they could come from them. They want to lead him somewhere. He decides to go there. It is risk but one worth taking if he can find out who is doing this.

It is a safe house, one of Natasha’s, and he goes in. There is no one there. He looks around, tries to see if anything is out of place. The explosion comes when he doesn’t expect it and he is thrown when it happens, blackness claiming him quickly.

_“We have a mission in a few days, it will be for all of us.”_

_He nods at James’ words. It has only been a short while since his first target and he is ready for another. Natasha comes into the room, hands holding something behind her back._

_“We have something for you, something you can use.”_

_She pulls her arms forward and he can see that she is holding a bow and a quiver of arrows. They have been used before, scuff marks on both the bow and the quiver but when he takes them in his hands, that doesn’t matter. They feel right._

_He doesn’t know how he knows how to shoot but when he gets a chance to practice, it comes easily. He can focus on the target, pull the string back, like it is second nature, something he has done all his life. Maybe he has. When he is on the roof, the solider beside him and the widow in his sight, the hawk lets go of his arrows when it is needed. They hit all their targets, no harm coming to the widow, and that feels right too._

His hearing is fuzzy when he comes to, strapped in a chair. He hears clearly in one ear but the other feels like it has water in it. He can still hear the words that are being spoken around him, little snippets that let him know he has been caught.

“She was supposed to show up, not him. Is he alright?”

The voice sounds so very concerned.

“He seems to be, there are very few marks on him. He must not have been as close to the explosion as we thought.”

There are other words being spoken but he doesn’t pay attention to them, opens his eyes and tries to move out of the chair but the straps hold.

“Agent Barton?’

He has heard that name before, spoken by his first target. Now it is being spoken by someone in a uniform as a man in a suit comes forward when he realizes that Clint is awake. He should perhaps keep his mouth shut but he doesn’t.

“I don’t know who that is and I am not telling you anything.”

The man in the suit looks startled by Clint’s words, almost stunned as he comes closer.

“Clint, you are going to be alright. I wasn’t going to leave you lost.”

The man’s tone is calm but there is a hint of worry on his face as he comes closer. He knows Clint’s name but that doesn’t mean anything. He struggles in his bonds just a bit more.

“I don’t know you, have no idea what you are talking about.”

The man is acting like he knows Clint but he has no idea who he is, just knows that from what he has heard, he is after Natasha.

“Agent Coulson, he is moving too much, it will make it harder to transport him.”

The man in the suit looks over at the person who said this and gives a nod. Clint has a name now but it still doesn’t help him. There is someone coming closer now and they stick a needle in his arm. The man in the suit is close to him now, is looking at him with a look of anger and upset.

“Something was done to you, but we are going to fix it, I promise, Clint.”

He doesn’t comment on those words as the drugs start to flow through his system. The man stays next to him and as darkness claims his vision, he wonders if he will see the widow and the solider again.


End file.
